


Sorry Heather

by lightlysaltedapples



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Group chat, Mac and Cheese, Memes, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unresolved Emotional Tension, a lot of texting, animal shenanagins, chandler barely texts in some of these shes a busy lady, chandler is the only one keeping duke in line fuck, chandler's really controling over mac whoops, chapter 5 is the begining of the end., duke is a bad driver, duke/mac tension, heather chandler somewhat has a soul?, heavily implied sexual content, is that how you spell it?, its easier to write okay, jd is barely in this, jdonica comes in around chapter 7?, mac angst, mac is not okay, many laws are broken, neither is duke, nobodys gon die, noodledog, or anyone, wow character development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-24 02:37:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8353609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightlysaltedapples/pseuds/lightlysaltedapples
Summary: heatherwithmacandcheese: rad babyheatherwithachainsaw: rad babyheatherwithdonkeykong: rad babybabyinblue: is this a cultbabyinblue: i mean im down if it is id just like to know





	1. Rad Baby.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heatherwithmacandcheese: rad baby
> 
> heatherwithachainsaw: rad baby
> 
> heatherwithdonkeykong: rad baby
> 
> babyinblue: is this a cult  
> babyinblue: i mean im down if it is id just like to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usernames:
> 
> Heather Chandler- heatherwithachainsaw  
> Heather Duke- heatherwithdonkeykong  
> Heather Macnamara- heatherwithmacncheese  
> Veronica- babyinblue  
> JD- JD711

heatherwithachainsaw started a conversation.

heatherwithachainsaw: heather come over bring ur dog

heatherwithdk: heather were all named heather its been eight years how do you fail to specify

heatherwithachainsaw: shut up he a t her  
heatherwithachainsaw: lets see....... who is the only one who has a dog..... HMMMMM.....

heatherwithmacandcheese: its me i have a noodledog

babyinblue: wait whats a noodledog im scared

heatherwithmacandcheese: [puppy.jpg]  
heatherwithmacandcheese: his name is noodledog hes our baby

babyinblue: okay cool i thought it was a sex thing. had me worried.

heatherwithachainsaw: heatherrrrrrrrrrrr im bored and possibly a little drunk i need the noodledog

heatherwithmacandcheese: i dont have a car heather

heatherwithdonkeykong: i have a car can i come  
heatherwithdonkeykong: beep beep get in my jeep

heatherwithmacandcheese: how did u get here so fast 

babyinblue: wait are we going to heathers house?  
babyinblue: can someone drive me?

heatherwithachainsaw: i just wanted the noodledog but okay

heatherwithmacandcheese: heather isnt a good driver ronnie run

heatherwithdonkeykong: VERONIC WERE HERE IM THE GREEN JEEP

babyinblue: wow its green im so surprised i thought it would be red  
babyinblue: heather im kidding dont kill me

heatherwithachainsaw: i take offence to that im callling the police

heatherwithdonkeykong: shes calling heather i fukin cant

heatherwithmacandcheese: heather i might be the most responsible one other than ronnie but im not the police  
heatherwithmacandcheese: ronnie hurry up the noodledog wants to meet u  
heatherwithmacandcheese: ronnnnnnnnnniieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

heatherwithachainsaw: vERONICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

heatherwithdonkeykong: veronicq u can be the noodledogs godmother

babyinblue: heather hes a dog

heatherwithmacandcheese: no hes my son  
heatherwithmacandcheese: me and heather are his parents. heathers his aunt.

heatherwithachainsaw: hurrrrrrry up im bored ram and co are texting me

babyinblue: okay im in the car jesus heather  
babyinblue: how havent you guys gotten in a car accident  
babyinblue: how did heather get a drivers license

heatherwithachainsaw: heather took the exam for her.  
heatherwithachainsaw: the instructor "lost" her glasses the day before.

heatherwithmacandcheese: [puppysunglasses.jpg]  
heatherwithmacandcheese: rad baby

heatherwithachainsaw: rad baby

heatherwithdonkeykong: rad baby

babyinblue: is this a cult  
babyinblue: i mean im down if it is id just like to know

heatherwithachainsaw has changed their name to heatherwitharadbaby  
heatherwithmacandcheese has changed their name to heatherwithradandbaby  
heatherwithdonkeykong has changed their name to heatherwithbabyrad

babyinblue: WHAT  
babyinblue: HEATHER Y  
babyinblue: ...  
babyinblue has left the conversation.


	2. Heather and Heather's Fight Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heatherwithdonkeykong: i wanna see this fight to the d e a t h
> 
> heatherwithmacandcheese: heathers phone died but she says shut up heather
> 
> babyinblue: what a surprise.
> 
> heatherwithmacandcheese: do YOU WANNA FIGHT SAWYER.  
> heatherwithmacandcheese: -heather chandler, 2016.
> 
> heatherwithdonkeykong has named the coversation "Heather And Heather's Fight Club"

babyinblue joined the conversation!

heatherwithbabyrad: heather n heather are making out in heathers room 

babyinblue: who heck what why how what now  
babyinblue: which heather are you?

heatherwithbabyrad: gimme a sec  
heatherwithababyrad has changed their name to heatherwithdonkeykong

babyinblue: wtf are your names tho

heatherwithdonkeykong: our names are heather MACnamara and heather DuKe.

babyinblue: thats what youre going with.

heatherwithdonkeykong: i like m'boi dk and heather likes cheap ass pasta. 

heatherwithmacandcheese: sorry me and heather were doing something

babyinblue: ;)  
babyinblue: actually no heather ur too pure

heatherwithachainsaw: sawyer do n n o t.

heatherwithdonkeykong: no wait yeah veronica do ett  
heatherwithdonkeykong: i wanna see this fight to the d e a t h

heatherwithmacandcheese: heathers phone died but she says shut up heather

babyinblue: what a surprise.

heatherwithmacandcheese: do YOU WANNA FIGHT SAWYER.  
heatherwithmacandcheese: -heather chandler, 2016.

heatherwithdonkeykong has named the coversation "Heather And Heather's Fight Club"

babyinblue: hell no im not fighting heather

heatherwithmacandcheese: heather takes kickboxing classes u chose well

babyinblue: wow alright i have a new fear of heather nice

heatherwithmacandcheese: heather says that you already should have a fear of her but k

babyinblue: brb hiding   
babyinblue: shit heather do u have a map

heatherwithmacandcheese: no but we have a noodledog


	3. Color-Coded Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> babyinblue created a private conversation with heatherwithdonkeykong!  
> babyinblue: heather help im lost
> 
> heatherwithdonkeykong: that really sounds like a you problem
> 
> babyinblue: heather pls

babyinblue created a private conversation with heatherwithdonkeykong!  
babyinblue: heather help im lost

heatherwithdonkeykong: that really sounds like a you problem

babyinblue: heather pls

heatherwithdonkeykong: where r u?

babyinblue: idk. the carpets red. 

heatherwithdonkeykong: ...  
heatherwithdonkeykong: this is heathers house.  
heatherwithdonkeykong: everythings red.

babyinblue: wow didnt think u color coded ur lives excuse me

heatherwithdonkeykong: hold on I'll find u 

babyinblue: thank u for common courtesy heather.

heatherwithdonkeykong: anytime fake heather ;)))))

babyinblue: i wanna argue but i really cant

heatherwithdonkeykong: dont tell heather i told u but we have a secret other chat and we call you blue heather whoops

babyinblue: wow im cool enough to be a heather thanks heather

heatherwithdonkeykong: what no thats not what i meant

babyinblue: im cool. i skateboarded once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorr for a short chapter, but in order to keep this from getting confusing, im only putting one "conversation" in each chapter. next one will be longer


	4. Blue Heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heatherwithdonkeykong named the conversation "Heather Cubed"  
> heatherwithdonkeykong: might have told blue heather abt heather^3.
> 
> heatherwithmacandcheese: is ronnie mad at us
> 
> heatherwithachainsaw: bitch y  
> heatherwithachainsaw: y the fuck would u do that  
> heatherwithachainsaw: most of my non sexual entertainment comes from her y
> 
> heatherwithdonkeykong: yeah i know heather helps u with the secksual part ;;;;;;;;;;;;;)))))))))))))))))))))

heatherwithdonkeykong named the conversation "Heather Cubed"  
heatherwithdonkeykong: might have told blue heather abt heather^3.

heatherwithmacandcheese: is ronnie mad at us

heatherwithachainsaw: bitch y  
heatherwithachainsaw: y the fuck would u do that  
heatherwithachainsaw: most of my non sexual entertainment comes from her y

heatherwithdonkeykong: yeah i know heather helps u with the secksual part ;;;;;;;;;;;;;)))))))))))))))))))))

heatherwithachainsaw: yeah see this is why im red and ur not mmk

heatherwithmacandcheese: heather ur scaring our child

heatherwithachainsaw: soz noodledog

heatherwithdonkeykong: rt^

heatherwithachainsaw: oh yeah just copy my message like how u copy everything in my life

heatherwithmacandcheese: agent macnamara has successfully escaped the closet with her assistant and agent-in-training, private noodledog

heatherwithachainsaw: mac wtf 

heatherwithdonkeykong: did u just call her mac thats adorable

heatherwithachainsaw: shut it heather

heatherwithdonkeykong: switching it up there heather. im used to shut UP heather. congrats

heatherwithmacandcheese: guys please dont fight

heatherwithdonkeykong: s h u t u p he a t h e r

heatherwithmacandcheese: sorry heather

heatherwithachainsaw: fight me heathr


	5. Agent Mac and Private Noodledog's Adventure (Or the non-texting chapter.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac decides to hang out with the Noodledog. Duke finds what she took from Chandler, and she is not having it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically what mac was doing during last chapter.

Heather slipped out of the closet where she and Chandler had been... Enjoying each other's company. Noodledog was close behind, his little tail wagging away. Heather put a finger to her lips, hoping that the pup wouldn't be too loud. She didn't want Chandler to know she was gone just yet. She tiptoed her way downstairs, being careful to check each room to see if Ronnie or Duke was in them before going inside herself. Soon enough, she made it to the kitchen. Opening up the cabinet, she searched for a pasta box, but to no avail. _God damn your dieting Heather._ She thought, moving boxes out of the way to see to the back. _Aha!_ She grinned, grabbing a box of cheap macaroni. Noodledog whined. Heather looked at him as she brought the box over to the counter.  
"What's wrong Noodle?" She asked the dog, who, surprisingly, looked a lot like her. Wavy blonde hairs, big brown eyes... No wonder she picked him.  
The dog whined in response. Heather giggled.  
"Does Noodle want a noodle?" She said, opening up the box and grabbing one. She held it above his head. "Sit. Siiiiiitt... Good noodledog!" She praised him when he sat on his hind legs, his curly little tail wagging. Heather brought her hand down so that the pup could grab it gently out of her hand. Heather laughed, feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. She frowned, seeing Heather and Heather were bitching at each other again. Shrugging, she texted back. Just so they'd know she wasn't ignoring them. [agent macnamara has successfully escaped the closet with her assistant and agent-in-training, private noodledog] She giggled to herself, then went back to playing with Noodle. "Who's my good boy?" She cooed, petting his head gently. Heather felt her phone buzz again. Sighing, she turned away from the dog to text back. Duke had told her to shut up. Not new, but not common either. [sorry heather] That was what Duke always said to Chandler. Of course, Heather barely had to say it. If she said the wrong thing, Chandler would just glare into her eyes. That was enough. A voice pulled Heather away from her thoughts. "The fuck are you doing?" It was Duke. She sounded angry. That wasn't new. Heather looked up. Duke wasn't that taller than her, but she always seemed to be in her shadow when Chandler wasn't there. "J-Just giving the noodledog some noodles?" She asked, unsure. Duke scoffed. "Did you ask Heather? It _is_ her house, after all." Heather suddenly felt her heart drop. She'd given most of the box to Noodle. "... Sorry Heather. D-do you think she'll be mad?" Duke crossed her arms, smirking. "Why? Are you gonna cry if she is?" Heather could already feel the tears forming in her eyes. She silently willed Duke not to notice. "No..." She laughed for a brief moment. "Pathetic." She said, turning back away to find Veronica.


	6. She's Your Problem.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't give a damn about the pasta, Mac."

heatherwithachainsaw created a private chat with heatherwithdonkeykong  
heatherwithachainsaw: why is mac crying.

heatherwithdonkeykong: idk shes ur gf so shes ur problem

heatherwithachainsaw: what did you say u fucking dumbass bitch

heatherwithdonkeykong: woah chill heather idk  
heatherwithdonkeykong: is she mad?

heatherwithachainsaw: mac doesnt get mad dumbass.  
heatherwithachainsaw: its fine but if u make her cry again youre done.

heatherwithdonkeykong: sorry heather

heatherwithachainsaw left the conversation.

\---------------------------------------------------

Heather put her phone down on the table and turned back to Macnamara.  
"H-Heather?" The smaller girl looked up at her, brown eyes glossy with tears she held back. "Yeah Heather?" "Sorry, I gave Noodle the pasta without asking." Heather scoffed. "I don't give a damn about the pasta, Mac." "...Sorry Heather." Macnamara said quietly, leaning into Heather's side. "It's fine Heather." Heather wanted desperately to just lean down and tell Mac that it was okay, that she was here, and that she loved her. She couldn't. She had a reputation to uphold. Besides, Mac should have been used to this by now. But as strange as it seemed, not even the mythic Heather Chandler was used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w oa a h  
> aggnnnssstttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt


	7. Here Comes Dat Boi! Just kidding- It's Me, Veronica Sawyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heatherwithdonkeykong: "here comes dat boi! Just kidding- it's me, Hilary Radom Clinton."
> 
> babyinblue: i feel attacked i don't even wear pansuits even tho I cupld make them work

babyinblue started a conversation with heatherwithdonkeykong and heatherwithmacandcheese!

babyinblue: okay dipshits im a little drunk i mihgt have sinned in mrs chandlers room but im losf 

heatherwithdonkeykong: niceeeeee

heatherwithmacandcheese: if you call mac a dipshit again ur done.   
heatherwithmacandcheese: she's my dipshit 

babyinblue: nooooo i madethis wuthoutc heatjer for a reasoon   
babyinblue: blue lvies matter

heatherwithmacandcheese: yellow lives matter too dumbass 

heatherwithdonkeykong: the side of chandler the media doesn't show

heatherwithmacandcheese: stfu im still mad asshole

babyinblue: y ru textigb from heahters phone tho

heatherwithmacandcheese: because currently mac is crying over Mac and cheese. 

Heatherwithdonkeykong: #sorrynotsorry

babyinblue: spill the beansssssssssssssssssssss$$$$$$  
babyinblue: inculde the blye bbay 

heatherwithmacandcheese: it's nothing ronnie 

babyinblue: wait is it Heather or heater   
babyinblue: hathr   
babyinblue: heathef   
babyinblue: fuck this ill be a strippor 

heatherwithmacandcheese: its heather 

heatherwithdonkeykong: what if we all renamed ourselves after memes  
heatherwithdonkeykong: like heather would b Kermit, id be dat boi, and heatherr would b pepe 

heatherwithmacandcheese: Mac needs a sec but your neighborhood hottie is here

babyinblue: wait Heather who woild I b 

heatherwithdonkeykong: "here comes dat boi! Just kidding- it's me, Hilary Radom Clinton."

babyinblue: i feel attacked i don't even wear pansuits even tho I cupld make them work


	8. McNamara Protection Task Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Heather Chandler forms the McNamara task force and unintentionally learns something about Mac.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for y'all who like this trash heap, but I think I'm gonna discontinue it. (See the end notes for further explanation)

heatherwithachainsaw created a conversation with heatherwithdonkeykong and babyinblue!  
heatherwithachainsaw named the conversation "McNamara Damage Control"!  
heatherwithachainsaw: alrighty pillowcases.   
heatherwithachainsaw: let's fucking help mac

babyinblue: wait what happened? im never included I feel so attacked. Also I hope u don't mind I slept here I kinda passed out around 10-ish

heatherwithdonkeykong: 1) heathers a baby 2) heathers overprotective and won't admit it 3) sitting with us at lunch is inclusion enough 4) u need to get a job veronigs 

heatherwithachainsaw: shut up heather.   
heatherwithachainsaw: macs crying im pissed and Heather is a shitlord. 

babyinblue: who hurt the yellow???

heatherwithachainsaw: green hurt the yellow. 

babyinblue: this is an outrage  
babyinblue: ill be there in a minute

heatherwithachainsaw: okay im gonna leave her then cause I think she thinks I'm mad at her

heatherwithdonkeykong: good luck with that lmao imma go  
heatherwithdonkeykong: i have a date in like an hour soooo...  
heatherwithdonkeykong has left the conversation. 

heatherwithachainsaw: macs in the kitchen and im hiding in the bathroom

babyinblue: k 

 

//AN: this part takes place a few minutes later, just keep that in mind ^^

babyinblue: from what she's saying I think she's scared??? 

heatherwithachainsaw: of what???? ill crucify them. 

babyinblue: heather it's you???? I mean im totally down to take ur place but seriously tho  
babyinblue: she's asking who I'm texting what d o i d o o o o

heatherwithachainsaw: shit uh  
heatherwithachainsaw: tell her it's dumptruck or Ram or someone

babyinblue: **dunstock and good idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry!  
> 1) Text fics are kinda hard to write honestly  
> 2) this has terrible pacing  
> 3) it's gotten boring.   
> 4) I have other fics I wanna write 
> 
> But if you do like text fics, go read Heather Cubed. That's some good shit.


	9. The real last chapter I swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

heatherwithmacandcheese: hey guys i think im gonna head home now. Noodledog is tired. 

heatherwithachainsaw: aw tell noodledog his mommy will miss him 

babyinblue: screenshotted

heatherwithdonkeykong: we could make click bait with that  
heatherwithdonkeykong: "you won't believe what Heather Chandler said when her dog son had to go home!"

heatherwithachainsaw: or maybe "Heather Duke makes the horrible mistake of being one of the worst humans: what happens next will shock you!"

babyinblue: yikes™ im loving the Duke/Chandler discourse   
babyinblue: mcnamara do u have popcorn this is marvelous

heatherwithmacandcheese: i have Mac and cheese but I'm pretty sure that's only because Mac is in my name and my parents think it's cute 

heatherwithachainsaw: ur parents are r i g h t 

babyinblue: wait why dont i have a fun name i don't do anything other than help you commit fraud and wear blue 

heatherwithachainsaw: ur also a damn lightweight we could use that

heatherwithdonkeykong: or that u spend ur free time with total fukin weirdos

babyinblue: i happen to enjoy their company thank u very much. 

heatherwithmacandcheese: Ronnie   
heatherwithmacandcheese: dear sweet ronnie   
heatherwithmacandcheese: before u were with us ur best friends were Martha dumptruck and creepy Sherlock Holmes 

babyinblue: 1. Martha's my best friend leave me alone and 2. Creepy Sherlock Holmes is kinda hot okay   
babyinblue: i refuse to take this harassment.


End file.
